Why is it that those closest to us seem to push our buttons more easily?
Why do we instantly “click” with some people and not others?
Why do we repeat the same issues with the same people again and again?
Are you being triggered and easily wound up by those around you?
You may see these difficult relationships as a bad thing, but believe me, they are for your own benefit.
When you understand the bigger picture and expand your beliefs, you can see that these triggers are, in fact, something to be grateful for. They are little indicators of where to focus your attention for the sake of your own self-realisation and spiritual growth.
Self-realisation is key here. We came here to express our true nature. We came here to understand who we really are at Soul level. We came here to awaken. We also agreed to play roles for each other. Out of love. Some people choose to play loving, supporting roles to help you grow. However, others, agreed to play the “bad” guys and trigger you for the sole purpose of highlighting areas of growth within you.
You see, life is a mirror. You may have heard this before and it is not an easy concept to get your head around but that doesn’t make it any less true! It’s all about YOU. And all manifestations around you including those that trigger you are constantly reflecting back to you your own beliefs. This is why positive thinking is so important. If you believe that the Universe is a safe and wonderful place then for you it will be. If you think the Universe is a dangerous and unloving place, then for you if will be. The reflection is exact. Like the mirror in the bathroom. We don’t always like what we see, right?
Our whole life experiences are stored energetically in the cells of our body and there are aspects of ourselves we don’t much care for, right? It is these aspects that will be reflected back to us in the form of difficult people. When you begin to love yourself, you find that more people around you become loving. The more you love yourself, the more loving those around you become. It’s just a reflection. This is why loving yourself is so life changing.
It is easy to have resistance to the aspects of ourselves we don’t like. It is also easy to be in denial of our shadow side. Peace, however, lies in the acknowledgment of all aspects of Self.
Understanding that difficult people are just seeing the world differently to you, helps too. Everyone is on a spiritual journey with some people more conscious than others and there’s a whole range of beliefs being created and followed along the way. Difficult people haven’t come here to make your life more difficult. They are just living their own experience. And the difficult people closest to you agreed to play the role to help you experience what you chose to experience here. If you chose to experience worthiness, for example, there are souls who incarnated with you to help you by treating you badly in order to help you wake up to the fact that you are worth more. Everything has a positive and negative polarity. We can learn a lot about happiness by not having it. We can learn a lot about empowerment by feeling powerless. It is up to us to make the right choices in life to experience the positive polarity of the things we chose to experience. This is why so many people, on reflection, can find love, forgiveness and even gratitude for those who harmed them in some way. For it was those experiences that woke them up to the understanding of their self-love, worth and deserving of better.
We reap what we sow. Karma exists. People who view themselves as victims often say to me, but I never hurt anyone so why was I victimised this way? But we have experienced numerous lives and we haven’t always been nice!! Even in this life, can you be so sure that as a child you never victimised anyone? Rather than spend your energy in denial of these truths, why not spend your energy reflecting what it is within you, that you are not accepting about yourself.
To help with this inner, self-realisation work I highly recommend The Work of Byron Katie www.thework.com
With four simple questions, your understanding of the difficult relationships in your life can not only be seen but also turned around. This process is not for the faint hearted. It’s not easy to see unpleasant aspects of yourself arise but there is no judgement. No blame. No fault. There is no right or wrong. Just a deeper understanding of what is that leads to deeper awareness, expanded consciousness and greater love. Love of self and love for others of course!
Working through the relationships or aspects of relationships that trigger you most, in this way is life changing. Understanding the role you chose to play in each others lives brings an energy of peace, acceptance, forgiveness and deeper love.
For more information on how you can heal the relationships in your life or to book your healing/coaching session please get in touch.
Forgiveness and acceptance seem to be a stumbling block for many people on their healing and spiritual journey and there has been much written about the need to forgive others and/or accept situations.
Of course, forgiveness is not about condoning the behaviour of others, nor is it initially about making the perpetrators feel better – although, this can be a worthy second step to forgiveness.
The first step to forgiveness, is, however, all about you, your health and your energy. When there is a need to forgive, the chances are that there are trapped emotions of anger, resentment, bitterness, heartache, guilt, blaming, frustration, jealousy, humiliation, betrayal, abandonment……the list goes on. It is these trapped emotions that are the problem – releasing these is where you will find the relief and energetic shift you seek.
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
So, step one, releasing trapped emotions. What is a trapped emotion? The Emotion Code
Step two to Forgiveness and Acceptance comes from Understanding. Understanding raises Awareness. Awareness puts everything into perspective. And I believe this awareness can be found at Soul Level and comes from understanding the Soul, its journey and its evolution. Understanding the different stages of Soul Evolution shines a new light on, not just your life, but the world around you.
There are many versions of the different stages in life. Some referring to the stages within a single incarnation. Others referring to the stages of the Soul throughout all its incarnations. And some referring to both. Some relate to the Chakras of our energetic body. Some relate to levels of consciousness.
The Soul Age Stages here relate to stages of the soul throughout all its incarnations.
We first incarnate as infant souls and through a series of choices, lessons and experiences over the course of many life times we evolve. We haven’t always been nice people which some people don’t like to hear but it makes perfect sense as we have been learning and growing from our experiences and choices along the way and that’s what it’s all about. There is no judgement here – of yourself or others. You wouldn’t judge a baby for not being able to feed itself and you wouldn’t expect a toddler to be able to drive a car. Keeping this idea in mind will really help you understand some of the difficult people you encounter in life.
As Jesus said,
“Forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
Infant Souls deal with issues of survival. Life is primitive and usually focuses on fear. These souls flourish in simple environments close to nature. Infant souls focus on being alive and their learning experiences include survival, physicality, mortality and environmental awareness. Infant souls have no concept of wrong doing so without the loving guidance from older souls who can teach them right from wrong, they may react violently to perceived threats and commit anti-social and immoral acts. They are purely instinctive. Untarnished by culture. Without conscience and fearful of life.
Baby Souls have a need for structure and they tend to follow beliefs based on dogma. They love following and enforcing rules, such as religious rules. Baby souls focus on belonging to a culture and their learning experiences include rules, roles, law and order, crime and punishment and social awareness. They are typically moral and law-abiding citizens but suffer from rigid thinking. They thrive when surrounded by like-minded souls and can be very community orientated but have difficulty accepting others who do not follow their dogma and can become judgemental. They are conformists.
Young Souls are very success orientated and set high standards of personal achievement. They are goal setters and goal getters. They recognise their personal power and are very assertive. Their experience of life is competitive, industrious, restless and independent. Winning is important to them and they want to leave an impact on society. They value their personal power but view it as something unique to them and tend to separate themselves this way. Young souls focus on being a free agent and are here to learn independence, self-advancement, personal achievement and free will.
Mature Souls are emotional and relationship orientated. Their focus is on their inner world and exploring self-awareness. They are empathic and reflective. Their experience of life is self-aware, emotionally dramatic and intense. They question everything, have a growing understanding of self and are literally soul searching. Mature souls tend to focus on co-existence with others and their learning experiences include interdependence, relationships, empathy, intimacy and self-awareness. These souls are far happier when they can be good, and share good and they crave to live in a loving world.
Old Souls seek the bigger picture and tend not to be materialistic. They are more detached and have a live and let live approach to life. Their experience of life is relaxed, philosophical and spiritually minded. They are a source of wisdom. They appear untroubled and stable although they can have problems integrating into a society that does not follow Divine laws. Old souls focus on being part of all that is and are here to learn, among other things, autonomy, non-attachment, wise counsel and spiritual awareness.
Soul ages and levels of consciousness are not two of the same. You can be a mature soul, for example, stuck at a certain level of consciousness. It’s all about what you came here to experience. However, the levels of consciousness can be characterised and summarised in a similar fashion. This serves the purpose of raising your awareness so that you can, not only, better understand yourself and your present path but also better understand those around you. This, in itself, helps develop tolerance, forgiveness, acceptance and non-attachment. It also helps to not take things personally which, in my experience, opens the door to greater inner peace and happiness.
Our consciousness can be compared to a lens through which we view and perceive the world. As we raise our consciousness we change the lens and our perceptions change causing a change in our reality. The perceptions, beliefs, mindsets and values we hold right now are a result of the consciousness we are operating in. Whenever we experience a shift in our consciousness, we are actually breaking away from our old consciousness and as a result, away from our old belief systems and attitudes.
Your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values and actions reflect the level of consciousness that you are vibrating at. While the object you are observing, whether it be your life, world events, a person or a situation, can remain the same, just having a different consciousness level, and therefore perception, causes your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values and actions to be widely different. This explains the famous quotation by Dr Wayne Dyer, about changing what you see by changing the way you look at it. For example, what do you see when faced with the playground bully? Do you see a nasty piece of work who needs to be taught a lesson by having a taste of his own medicine? Or do you see an angry and hurt child who is just crying out to be accepted and loved? How do you view failure? Something to bring you down and shake your confidence? Or something to learn from and raise your motivation?
|Level/Emotion||Level of Vibration|
|Enlightenment (Purple – 7th Chakra)||700 – 1000|
|Peace/Bliss (Indigo – 6th Chakra)||600|
|Joy/Serenity (Indigo – 6th Chakra)||540|
|Love/Reverence (Blue – 5th Chakra)||500|
|Reason/Understanding (Blue – 5th Chakra)||400|
|Acceptance/Forgiveness (Green – 4th Chakra)||350|
|Willingness/Optimism (Green – 4th Chakra)||310|
|Neutrality/Trust (Green – 4th Chakra)||250|
|Courage/Affirmation (Yellow – 3rd Chakra)||200|
|Anger/Hate (Orange – 2nd Chakra)||150|
|Desire/Craving (Orange – 2nd Chakra)||125|
|Fear/Anxiety (Orange – 2nd Chakra)||100|
|Grief/Regret (Red – 1st Chakra)||75|
|Apathy/Despair (Red – 1st Chakra)||50|
|Guilt/Blame (Red – 1st Chakra)||30|
|Shame/Humiliation (Red – 1st Chakra)||20|
Where someone falls on this chart will depend on their over-riding emotion. That is to say, their natural state of being. We can all feel angry sometimes or even guilty but that does not mean it’s our over-riding state of being.
So at the bottom of the chart we have shame and guilt; the two emotions with the lowest frequency. People with this level of awareness will experience a lot of blame and humiliation in their lives. Moving up the chart you can see apathy accompanies a feeling of despair. Apathy being, of course, when one doesn’t care about anything. People at this stage of the chart are usually depressed and struggling to take action. They feel like life is against them and they are often stuck in victimhood. Anger comes considerably higher, which surprises many people but if you think about it, you have to care about things to get angry. Caring is good! We often view anger as such a negative emotion, but on reflection, it’s a very healthy stage to go through. It shows you want to change things and leads the way to courage, willingness and optimism.
I have found, while running the Heal yourself to Happiness Retreats, that my guests usually fall in this green area. That is to say the Heart Chakra area. Often, just the intention and action of coming on the Retreat is healing for them. It clearly shows they are both willing and optimistic and have dragged themselves out of a state of neutrality. This becomes very evident when what they are working on is very often acceptance and forgiveness. This paves the way for them to move into the blue level, that of the throat chakra where they find themselves with a need and a desire to express themselves. Not only verbally by being assertive and authentic but also at soul level by acknowledging and using their gifts and innate soul characteristics. This is where the journey within really begins. At least, on a conscious level.
As we approach the level of love and joy on the chart, we start to see the world with new eyes and a heart full of love and compassion for all living beings of consciousness. We see beauty and miracles everywhere. We can reason. Understand. Accept. And forgive. There is a peace which resides within. The peace and bliss at level 600 and above is found in the likes of the Dalai Lama, Gandhi, Eckhart Tolle and Mother Theresa to name a few, although it should be pointed out that, as energy, we are always changing and thinking and it is therefore possible to move both up and down the chart at any given time. Each thought has a frequency as does each action. According to Dr David Hawkins, Adolf Hitler went from 450 to 45 during the course of his life time.
Without judgement, you can now hopefully, not only see where you are on your Soul’s journey, but also understand that others do not and can not have the same view point, beliefs and goals as you do. As I said at the beginning – you wouldn’t expect an infant to have the same priorities as an adult. We readily accept that young children don’t share our abilities. We don’t judge them – we just offer them love to help them grow. Likewise we can forgive ourselves and accept love from others to help us grow. It really is the same thing.
Looking at this chart really brings it home, the importance of raising your vibrations. Not only for your own health, happiness and success but also for the sake of the planet. Dr David Hawkins provides some interesting figures in his book Power vs Force (1994). He says that the overall level of human consciousness tests as being just over 200, and only 4% of the population test over 500 and 1 in 10 million over 600. He goes on to claim that just over 2% of the population generate 72% of society’s problems. However, here is the best motivation to raise your vibrations: one individual at level 400 counterbalances 400,000 individuals vibrating below level 200. One individual at 500 counterbalances 750,000 below level 200 and one individual at level 600 counterbalances 10 million below level 200.
So now you can see that by pouring anger and other negative emotions onto wrong doers will only serve to keep their vibrations low as well as lower your own vibrations. What’s the point of that? Only love can help them raise their vibrations. And only love will help you raise yours.
So you can also see that raising your own vibrations and keeping yourself feeling good is paramount if you want to heal the world. Look after yourself, do what your heart desires and make yourself feel as good and as excited as you can as often as you can. It’s not selfishness. It’s love. And it will help raise the consciousness of the whole planet!
In my conclusion on the subject of the Stages of Soul Evolution and Consciousness Levels, I relate each level to a corresponding belief.
“You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop.”
Or, as I like to think, we are the whole universe in one body.
This is a summary of Chapter 3 from my second book Heal your Soul: A Simple Guide to Understanding and Healing yourself on a Spiritual Level to create greater Health, Happiness and Success
Deborah Jane Sutton
Heal yourself to Happiness
I had this quote (Be kind to unkind people, they need it the most) on the wall of my classroom for years in my primary school teaching days. When focusing on the school playground and its bullies, this quote was very effective. When faced with an unkind comment, I encouraged the children to turn to the unkind speaker and give them a hug! I think it was the embarrassment of the situation that stopped the young bullies in the end rather than seeing the error of their ways but either way, it was effective!
People realise now that most bullies are unhappy and inside they are hurting. They lack self love, love for the world around them and lack self-respect too. Most of us can take all this on board and let their comments go over our heads choosing to believe and understand that their comments are not really personal to us and that they say more about them than they do about us.
But where is the line here? How bad does the bullying have to be before we stop being so understanding? Is it when the bullying gets physical? Or does it depend on the reaction of the person being bullied? Whether they are affected by it and to what extent?
In the clip below, Prince Ea takes this concept to the extreme with his comments and title on Why I Love Terrorists. Suddenly it doesn’t seem so easy to apply this “Be Kind to Unkind People” idea, eh? although terrorists are surely just the playground bullies all grown up, no?
What I’d like to do, though, is to explain how all this loving unkind people really works – it might help you react more lovingly to challenging situations in the future.
If you haven’t come across it before, I’d like to introduce you to Dr David Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness.
The number relates to the frequency at which that particular emotion vibrates. So basically, negative emotions vibrate at lower frequencies than positive emotions, which is why releasing low vibrating trapped emotions is key to raising your vibrations. Obviously, we can feel a range of emotions but this relates to our overriding emotional state (or rather it’s the overall average of our emotions that determines our consciousness level). So which emotion on this chart best describes your feelings the majority of the time? It gives us a good indication of what frequency your body is vibrating at (we can actually measure this with our muscle testing skills)
As we know, like attracts like. So, we attract experiences, people, situations and emotions that resonate with the same frequency as us. If we radiate anger energy we will attract anger energy. Again, that’s why we want to literally raise our vibrations as much as we can so we naturally attract a better quality of life in all areas. Keep in mind that every moment of our day we are either moving towards health or sickness depending on the emotion we are feeling and that explains why it is so crucial to think – and feel – positively.
Right, here’s the really interesting bit – which I also found in Dr David Hawkins’ book Power vs Force.
In 1994, when the book was first published, the overall average level of human consciousness stood at 207. I’d like to think it’s slightly higher than this by now. Human consciousness was dangling at below the 200 level (190) for many centuries before it suddenly rose up to 207 some time in the mid 1980s. For the world to stay at levels below 200 over a prolonged period of time would cause a great imbalance that would undoubtedly lead to the destruction of all humanity. The power of the few individuals at the top of the chart (ie: those with a higher frequency) counterbalances the weakness of the masses.
So, you can see now, how looking after yourself and raising your vibrations will raise your consciousness level and therefore counterbalance more people with a lower level frequency. This in turn will help raise the overall level of consciousness of the planet creating more world stability and peace. So this is how you owe it to world peace to do whatever you can to raise your own vibrations and make yourself feel as good as you can. Self- care not only feels good, but IS good for you, those around you and the whole planet.
This also explains why I refuse to watch cruelty to animal videos. It’s not because I am a hypocrite and want to pretend it isn’t happening – that’s not the case at all. But watching a heart breaking clip will only result in lowering my vibrations, filling my head with negative images and thoughts and how will that help the animals? Whatever I choose to do about animal cruelty will be more effective and helpful to them with my vibrations and consciousness level as high as it can be.
In addition to this, responding to bullies and other violent perpetrators with anger and revenge will not only result in lowering your vibrations but also result in lowering those of the planet as a whole. Sending love, however, will help raise both the offenders frequencies and those of the whole planet. See? After all, we are all connected, right?
This does not mean we are accepting, condoning or approving of violent behaviour – of course not – but love really is the answer here and sharing it with everyone, especially those who need it the most, really is the way forward. This becomes clear when you can see the bigger picture.
If you’d like to find out how you can actively raise your vibrations – get in touch to arrange your free 30 min consultation with me.